Step 1 of 12 · 6 min
Step 1 — Powerless Over Addictions, Compulsive Behaviors and Denial
We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, and that our lives had become unmanageable. The first honest sentence is the door out.
Work this step with a guide. These lessons are meant to support the work, not replace a sponsor or mentor. Find someone who has already completed this step — preferably a man who understands your background — and walk through it with him.
Read it, or let someone read it to you — whichever kind of day it is.
Keep it on your computer or phone. The video records in real time, so it takes about as long as the lesson.
The first step reads: "We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable." The wording is broad on purpose. It is not only about a substance. It is about anything we keep doing even though it is costing us our peace, our relationships, our money, or our word.
Most men get stuck on the word powerless because it sounds like weakness. It is not. Powerless is a math word. If you have tried to stop on your own willpower more than twice and it came back, the math is in. You are not weak, you are outgunned. There is a difference, and admitting the second one is the first honest thing many of us have said in years.
Unmanageable is the easier half to check. Look at the evidence instead of your intentions. Who has stopped calling you. What bills went unpaid. What did you promise your kid and not do. What do you hide, and how much energy does the hiding cost you every day. Write those down. Not to punish yourself — to stop arguing with the facts.
The trap here is the word "someday." Someday is how a man stays comfortable in a burning house. Step One is not a feeling of surrender that shows up one magic morning. It is a sentence you say out loud while you still feel like a fraud saying it: I cannot run this. It stopped working. I need help.
This step is the beginning of the way out, not the end of your worth. Scripture calls the poor in spirit blessed for a reason — they are the only ones who ask. You do not have to have everything figured out about God to take this step. You only have to stop lying about the score.
Practical tonight: write one page, no editing, titled "What I cannot control." Then say the first line of it to one human being — a sponsor, a mentor here, a moderator in the rooms. Out loud is the whole point. A secret admitted in your head is still a secret.
How to work this step: the 12 Steps are not meant to be read alone and checked off. They are meant to be worked under the direction of someone who has already completed all twelve properly — a sponsor, mentor or guide who has done the writing, the confession and the amends themselves, and preferably someone whose background looks something like yours. Reading a step teaches you what it says. Working it with a guide is what changes a life. If you do not have that person yet, do not let it stop you from starting, and do not try to do it alone either — reach out to us through the Contact page or ask any moderator or mentor in the rooms, and we will help you find someone who has walked this road and is willing to walk it with you.
A gentle note on words: when these classes say God or a Higher Power, the Higher Power we have found is Jesus. We say that plainly rather than hiding it, and we say it without pressure. You belong here no matter what you believe right now, and nobody is going to push you. If you ever want to know more about that, reach out to a moderator, a mentor or an admin in the rooms — they will be glad to talk it through whenever you are ready.
Next · Step 2
Step 2 — A Power Greater Than Ourselves Can Restore Us