Step 11 of 12 · 6 min
Step 11 — Improve Conscious Contact with God
We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God. A plain method for men who think they are bad at this.
Work this step with a guide. These lessons are meant to support the work, not replace a sponsor or mentor. Find someone who has already completed this step — preferably a man who understands your background — and walk through it with him.
Read it, or let someone read it to you — whichever kind of day it is.
Keep it on your computer or phone. The video records in real time, so it takes about as long as the lesson.
Step Eleven: "We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."
Most men decide they are bad at this within a week. That is because they think prayer is public speaking and meditation is emptying your mind. Neither. Prayer is talking honestly, out loud, in your own vocabulary. Meditation is shutting up long enough to hear something other than your own panic.
Look at the strange restriction in the step: pray only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out. Not outcomes. Not that she comes back, not that the money shows up. Recovery praying trades outcome-begging for direction-asking, and it is a relief — you stop trying to manage the universe by request.
A method that works for men who hate this step: ten minutes. Two minutes of thanks, out loud, specific. Two minutes of honesty — the ugly one, said plainly. Three minutes reading something small, a psalm or a page. Three minutes silent with one question: what is the next right thing today? Write down whatever surfaces. Same chair, same time, phone in another room.
Then test what you hear. Guidance that shows up in silence gets checked against Scripture, against your sponsor, and against whether it is loving. Any "leading" that requires secrecy or hurts your family is not guidance, it is your defects wearing a robe.
Tonight: pick the chair and the time for tomorrow, set the alarm, and put the phone in another room before bed. Ten minutes. That is the step.
How to work this step: the 12 Steps are not meant to be read alone and checked off. They are meant to be worked under the direction of someone who has already completed all twelve properly — a sponsor, mentor or guide who has done the writing, the confession and the amends themselves, and preferably someone whose background looks something like yours. Reading a step teaches you what it says. Working it with a guide is what changes a life. If you do not have that person yet, do not let it stop you from starting, and do not try to do it alone either — reach out to us through the Contact page or ask any moderator or mentor in the rooms, and we will help you find someone who has walked this road and is willing to walk it with you.
A gentle note on words: when these classes say God or a Higher Power, the Higher Power we have found is Jesus. We say that plainly rather than hiding it, and we say it without pressure. You belong here no matter what you believe right now, and nobody is going to push you. If you ever want to know more about that, reach out to a moderator, a mentor or an admin in the rooms — they will be glad to talk it through whenever you are ready.
Next · Step 12
Step 12 — Carry the Message and Practice the Principles