Step 3 of 12 · 6 min
Step 3 — Turn Our Lives and Wills Over to God
We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God. A decision is something you can make before your feelings catch up.
Work this step with a guide. These lessons are meant to support the work, not replace a sponsor or mentor. Find someone who has already completed this step — preferably a man who understands your background — and walk through it with him.
Read it, or let someone read it to you — whichever kind of day it is.
Keep it on your computer or phone. The video records in real time, so it takes about as long as the lesson.
Step Three: "We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God." Read the first four words again: made a decision. Not achieved a feeling. Not became a good man. A decision is something you can make at 11pm while still furious and unsure. You will make it again tomorrow. That is normal — this step gets taken daily, not once.
Care and control are the two halves. Care is the part most of us never believed in. If you grew up around a father who used control without care, handing anything over sounds like a setup. That is worth saying out loud to somebody, because your picture of God is probably wearing your father's face and that has to get untangled before this step feels safe.
Here is the practical version. Every morning, before the phone, one sentence: today I am not the general manager. Then pick the one decision you would normally control by force — the argument you want to win, the outcome you want to guarantee — and do the next right thing instead of the winning thing. Report it to somebody that night. That is the whole step, repeated.
What it does not mean: it does not mean go passive. Turning it over does not cancel your responsibility to show up for work, call the sponsor, keep the appointment. Recovery is God's part and your feet.
Tonight: write your own version of the Step Three prayer in your words, twenty words or less, no religious language required. Say it. Then text one man that you said it. Steps taken privately tend to stay theoretical.
How to work this step: the 12 Steps are not meant to be read alone and checked off. They are meant to be worked under the direction of someone who has already completed all twelve properly — a sponsor, mentor or guide who has done the writing, the confession and the amends themselves, and preferably someone whose background looks something like yours. Reading a step teaches you what it says. Working it with a guide is what changes a life. If you do not have that person yet, do not let it stop you from starting, and do not try to do it alone either — reach out to us through the Contact page or ask any moderator or mentor in the rooms, and we will help you find someone who has walked this road and is willing to walk it with you.
A gentle note on words: when these classes say God or a Higher Power, the Higher Power we have found is Jesus. We say that plainly rather than hiding it, and we say it without pressure. You belong here no matter what you believe right now, and nobody is going to push you. If you ever want to know more about that, reach out to a moderator, a mentor or an admin in the rooms — they will be glad to talk it through whenever you are ready.
Next · Step 4
Step 4 — A Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory