Step 4 of 12 · 6 min
Step 4 — A Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Count what is actually on the shelf without screaming at the shelves.
Work this step with a guide. These lessons are meant to support the work, not replace a sponsor or mentor. Find someone who has already completed this step — preferably a man who understands your background — and walk through it with him.
Read it, or let someone read it to you — whichever kind of day it is.
Keep it on your computer or phone. The video records in real time, so it takes about as long as the lesson.
Step Four: "We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Inventory is a store word, not a courtroom word. A store owner counts what is actually on the shelf. He does not scream at the shelves. That is the tone. Searching means you do not skip the ugly aisle. Fearless means you write it even though your hands shake. It does not mean you enjoy it.
Use a four-column page, the old way, because it works. Column one: who or what I resent. Column two: what happened. Column three: what part of me it hit — my pride, my security, my relationships, my wallet. Column four, the one that changes lives: my part. Where was I dishonest, selfish, afraid, controlling. Even where someone genuinely wronged you, the fourth column is about what you did with it afterward.
Two hard rules. First, this is not the shame list. If you catch yourself writing "I am disgusting," stop and write the specific action instead. Shame is vague; recovery needs specifics. Second, set a deadline. Two weeks, not two years. Men hide inside a Step Four they never finish.
If there is trauma in your history — abuse, violence, things done to you as a boy — that belongs in the column of what happened, and it belongs with a professional too. Write it, and get a counselor. Our Professional Help page exists for exactly that. An inventory is not therapy and does not replace it.
Tonight: set a timer for twenty minutes and do one resentment across all four columns. One. Then close the notebook. You are not trying to finish your life tonight, you are trying to break the seal.
How to work this step: the 12 Steps are not meant to be read alone and checked off. They are meant to be worked under the direction of someone who has already completed all twelve properly — a sponsor, mentor or guide who has done the writing, the confession and the amends themselves, and preferably someone whose background looks something like yours. Reading a step teaches you what it says. Working it with a guide is what changes a life. If you do not have that person yet, do not let it stop you from starting, and do not try to do it alone either — reach out to us through the Contact page or ask any moderator or mentor in the rooms, and we will help you find someone who has walked this road and is willing to walk it with you.
A gentle note on words: when these classes say God or a Higher Power, the Higher Power we have found is Jesus. We say that plainly rather than hiding it, and we say it without pressure. You belong here no matter what you believe right now, and nobody is going to push you. If you ever want to know more about that, reach out to a moderator, a mentor or an admin in the rooms — they will be glad to talk it through whenever you are ready.
Next · Step 5
Step 5 — Admit the Exact Nature of Our Wrongs