Step 7 of 12 · 6 min
Step 7 — Humbly Ask Him to Remove Shortcomings
We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. What changes when you stop trying to white-knuckle yourself into a better man.
Work this step with a guide. These lessons are meant to support the work, not replace a sponsor or mentor. Find someone who has already completed this step — preferably a man who understands your background — and walk through it with him.
Read it, or let someone read it to you — whichever kind of day it is.
Keep it on your computer or phone. The video records in real time, so it takes about as long as the lesson.
Step Seven: "We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings." By now you have admitted, believed, decided, inventoried, confessed and become willing. Seven is where a man finds out whether he has been doing recovery or self-improvement. Self-improvement grinds. Recovery asks. Grinding produces a tired man with the same defects and better disguises.
Humbly is the operating word, and humility is not self-hatred. Humility is accurate size. Not the center of the universe, not a piece of trash. You are a man with a real problem and real help available. Men who beat themselves up are still making it about themselves.
What removal actually looks like: rarely a lightning bolt, usually a shrinking. The thing that used to run you starts to lose grip strength. Six months in you notice you did not take the bait in an argument, and you did not have to fight yourself not to. That is the answer to this step arriving quietly.
Two practices. First, a short honest ask every morning, by name: take the anger, take the lust, take the need to be right. Naming beats generalities. Second, cooperate with the answer. If you ask for freedom from lust and keep the phone in bed at 1am, you are asking and blocking at the same time. Remove the access, then ask.
And when you fail — you will — this step is also the way back in the same hour, not next month. Confess it, ask again, tell one person, keep the day.
Tonight: name your top shortcoming out loud, ask for it to be taken, and change one physical thing tonight that makes it harder to reach.
How to work this step: the 12 Steps are not meant to be read alone and checked off. They are meant to be worked under the direction of someone who has already completed all twelve properly — a sponsor, mentor or guide who has done the writing, the confession and the amends themselves, and preferably someone whose background looks something like yours. Reading a step teaches you what it says. Working it with a guide is what changes a life. If you do not have that person yet, do not let it stop you from starting, and do not try to do it alone either — reach out to us through the Contact page or ask any moderator or mentor in the rooms, and we will help you find someone who has walked this road and is willing to walk it with you.
A gentle note on words: when these classes say God or a Higher Power, the Higher Power we have found is Jesus. We say that plainly rather than hiding it, and we say it without pressure. You belong here no matter what you believe right now, and nobody is going to push you. If you ever want to know more about that, reach out to a moderator, a mentor or an admin in the rooms — they will be glad to talk it through whenever you are ready.
Next · Step 8
Step 8 — List Those We Harmed and Become Willing