Step 7 of 12 · 6 min
Step 7 — Humbly Ask Him to Remove Shortcomings
We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. What changes when you stop trying to white-knuckle yourself into a better man.
Read it, or let someone read it to you — whichever kind of day it is.
Step Seven: "We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings." By now you have admitted, believed, decided, inventoried, confessed and become willing. Seven is where a man finds out whether he has been doing recovery or self-improvement. Self-improvement grinds. Recovery asks. Grinding produces a tired man with the same defects and better disguises.
Humbly is the operating word, and humility is not self-hatred. Humility is accurate size. Not the center of the universe, not a piece of trash. You are a man with a real problem and real help available. Men who beat themselves up are still making it about themselves.
What removal actually looks like: rarely a lightning bolt, usually a shrinking. The thing that used to run you starts to lose grip strength. Six months in you notice you did not take the bait in an argument, and you did not have to fight yourself not to. That is the answer to this step arriving quietly.
Two practices. First, a short honest ask every morning, by name: take the anger, take the lust, take the need to be right. Naming beats generalities. Second, cooperate with the answer. If you ask for freedom from lust and keep the phone in bed at 1am, you are asking and blocking at the same time. Remove the access, then ask.
And when you fail — you will — this step is also the way back in the same hour, not next month. Confess it, ask again, tell one person, keep the day.
Tonight: name your top shortcoming out loud, ask for it to be taken, and change one physical thing tonight that makes it harder to reach.
Next · Step 8
Step 8 — List Those We Harmed and Become Willing